Cindy vs. Pride

Linking up with Finding Heaven's Soli Deo Gloria Sisters today!

Pride and I, we're BFF's.   And it makes me sick.

Psalm 36
"An oracle is within my heart concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:
There is no fear of God before his eyes.
For in his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin." (vv. 1-2)

I remember having a conversation with my mentor several years ago, and he was talking about how essential it is to hate sin when it's found within my heart.  To not tolerate it at all.

This summer I read through Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.  It is a life-changing book.  If I will let it be that to me.  You see, the idea is that in every task, in every moment, in every thought, the mind and the heart can be focused on the precious Person of Jesus.   I found myself battling to do so.  So much so that I gave up.  No, I would rather think about whatever stupid thing is in my mind right now.  I want to be right this time.  I'll try again tomorrow, but not right now.  Every time I stubbornly refused to submit my heart to look to Jesus, I was essentially saying, My thoughts are more entertaining or important than anything else.  Even You.

What that boils down to, in Psalm-speak, is that I am too often the one who has no fear of God.  I am the one flattering myself, justifying my selfishness, laziness, cowardice.  Not calling my sin what it is.  Definitely not hating it.  No, more like coddling it.

⁴ ...they commit themselves to a sinful course
   and do not reject what is wrong.

Lord, I am this way too often.  I am best friends with my pride.  Much closer to pride than to You.

I don't want it to be that way.

Tell me, what does Pride have, that Jesus doesn't?

Well, Pride lets me have my way.  Doesn't ask me to bow my will.  Or to be gentle and meek.  Doesn't require self-discipline or honesty.  Pride lets me go my own way. 

And yet, what do You have, Jesus, that I and my self-absorbed ways cannot offer?

⁵ Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
   your faithfulness to the skies.
⁶ Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,

But Your love, O LORD, is high, rich, mighty.  
Your faithfulness to me is strong and unsearchable.  

   your justice like the great deep.
   You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.

Your justice is worth fearing, powerful, and beneficial when yielded to.

⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
   People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Your greatness is comforting, and your abundance is always available.

⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house;
   you give them drink from your river of delights.

You give me the eternal food and drink that refreshes and delights my heart.  As well as everything I need for life.

⁹ For with you is the fountain of life;
   in your light we see light.

Thank You for the Word, giving light to my heart to see what is in me.