Oh, Baby!

Coffee's on!

I am actually quite ready for a 2 PM cup of coffee, since I haven't had a cuppa in several days. I will even make it half regular, just to spice things up! I also have a variety of Christmas cookies (complements of the friends who participated in the 1st Annual Great Cookie Bake on Monday). This sounds like a perfect coffee break.

First Peek!

Yesterday afternoon we got to see our first sneak peek at our little one! I was relieved to find that there is only one, even though we have joked about how it would be sort of a great deal to get two for one. The severity of my morning sickness made me think I was dealing with twice the hormones, so it must be more than one. But just one. Everything looks right, too.

We found out that my due date is May 31. I'm actually a week farther along than I'd thought, at 15-1/2 weeks.

Sam got to come with me for the appointment, so he got to see the ultrasound, too! He was almost as much fun to watch in the process as the baby, because he was so awestruck by the reality of this little person! Sam couldn't believe how much the baby moved - he or she was waving little arms, and we saw a little bit of a sucking motion while watching its little face, and even got to see it hiccough! A few times in a row it sort of jumped, like a hiccough or a sneeze. It was unbelievable! The technician even got a shot of its little left foot, clear as day, with all its little toes!

All the way home, Sam couldn't stop marveling at how real it seems now. It's not just in our imaginations anymore - this is a real little person, whom we will meet in about 6 months! We promptly scanned the pictures they gave us and sent them to our parents, so they could see their first pictures of their first grandbaby, too.

We were very happy with our impression of the office we went to for our care. It was very peaceful and cheerful, and everyone that we interacted with was very friendly and kind - except for the people who worked for the lab - they don't work for the practice, though, so I can't hold it against them. (The lady who drew blood for a couple tests hardly cracked a smile the whole time I was in there. I think she resented having to work at 4:50 PM while we were there. Heaven forbid....) There were pictures on the walls that had scriptures, and a lot of the nurses had taped verses and notes and encouragements in their personal areas. It is clearly an office full of believers.

Anyways, it's a group practice of a few doctors and five midwives, plus a handful of nurses, too. The midwife we will see primarily, June, was very professional, kind, and practical, plus has a good sense of humor, too. I really like her. I was grateful to have had such a good first impression and experience with the people there. We'll meet the other midwives at every other appointment, so that we'll know everyone by the time we actual go in to deliver.

And Next...
http://www.boywithaball.com/next

We have to register for Next soon. Now that we have money in the bank again, we can do that. It has been a relief to finally see money come in from unemployment!

We will also head to Houston around Christmas to spend several days with Sam's family. It will be good - we haven't seen them in quite a while. We just have to make our plans and then get in touch with people we can stay with on the way to and from, and who we just want to make time to see as well.

We're looking forward to going out there. It is always good to be in San Antonio, too. Especially around Christmas, it's beautiful - they decorate the Riverwalk and it looks so festive and beautiful. The conference will be great, too. I hope we are able to get out of it all that we can, and that what we bring adds something that lasts, too.

2 in a row!

I have had 2 days in a row that I have not lost everything I've eaten!

Maybe I am approaching the end of the 1st trimester morning sickness misery!

He restores my soul...

This is an email that I wrote to my best friend yesterday morning sometime between 6 and 8 AM:

I woke up this morning at something like 4, to get up and pee - yay for being pregnant - and couldn't go back to sleep because I was growlingly hungry. So I got up at five to have some raisins and a glass of milk, and went to the psalms.

It's the 4th, so I went to Ps 20-24. If you break down the Psalms into 30, and read 5 a day, you can go through them once every month - you find the ones to read by multiplying 5 times the day's date, and that's the one you start on. I never read them every day anymore because I am a terrible person, but that's the theory anyway. You can do the same with Prov, but it's a lot easier since there are only 31 of them. No math.

I'm sitting on a chair in the living room with the computer on my lap. The irony of having a computer on your lap is that suddenly the cat thinks you're doing something really interesting and decides it's important to get on your lap, too. Leo (the orange and white one) is all about my lap right now, but he's purring and kneading and loving on me, so how can I push him off? Besides, he's the one who can't focus for more than 3 seconds, so if he lies down, he'll leave in a minute anyway.

So back to what I was saying... I couldn't get past 23:3 for a while: "he restores my soul."

That's what I need. My soul needs restoring. When I'm sick and weary and feeling puny even when I am hardly doing anything, it's hard to feel a capacity to move beyond just getting up and not barfing. I think of the pyramid of needs that you learn about in health or human development or whatever - that the most basic needs are related to the physical, before anyone can be responsive to the higher eschelon of needs, like psychological or spiritual. I know I don't compare to a starving, war-torn refugee or anything, but it's still what I thought of. I am not necessarily in a place where I am at my healthiest. And I am not saying it's because I feel crummy, but feeling so crummy doesn't really help me be excited about much of anything, even if I know in my heart that I will benefit from feeding my spirit, not just my upset stomach.

Speaking of which, I am going to have to start over again with the snacks... but I have a banana, so hopefully that'll stick. Yeah, so that was fun.

Lately I have been a total slacker in every way. You would think that now that I'm not working, and have all the time in the world, and have an answered prayer growing in my abdomen, that I would find every excuse to be in the Word and be ecstatic! And I think I was for a few days. But then nausea and boredom and exhaustion set in, and I have struggled. Part of that is due to feeling yucky, so I am not engaging anyone in fellowship. When I'm not doing that, my heart's not going to be very healthy.

Another part of it is the realization that I am receiving the desires of my heart, and they are not enough. A husband is a wonderful thing, but I can't put all my life into him alone; a house that's our very own is great, but it's certainly not enough to occupy me; the promise of a baby is exciting and hopeful, but not enough at all to fulfill my life. Only fellowship with Jesus is enough. Then I can enjoy what he's given me. And if I can't fellowship with him now, while I'm pretty much my only distraction, there isn't any hope for me when I have a fussy child to tend to.

He restores my soul.

He does it - I don't have to restore my soul myself. Thank God. If it were up to me to figure out how to restore myself, I had better just curl up and pull the covers over my head for the next 50 years. All my attempts come up empty. All he expects is for me to humbly let him work in me. I am grateful that he does not require much. "my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Thank God! I can do light, but I can't fathom more. Not right now. The wonderful thing is that He doesn't require more than we can give. He requires exactly what we have to give, but no more. He knows my frame. He remembers that I am like dust, like grass, like a flower that fades... He knows how he's made me, and He knows what I can give. I don't know what I can give, but I have my ideas. My ideas are always less than what He knows, but what He asks is not too much. He is worth what I can give him. And the exchange is worth the surrender of what I have for what He has. It always has been.

I am very grateful that He is working in my heart to revive and restore me. He has been speaking to me lately, with words of encouragement, which I have kept in my heart off and on.

On Sunday Brother John spoke about worship. He said that "true worship is walking in revealed truth." That is probably the one thing that I remember from what he said all day, but it was the seed I will carry for a while. I spent some time over the last few days remembering things that the Spirit has spoken to my heart, that I need to walk in...

"what does it matter to you what happens to him? You must follow me."

"my darling... let me see your face, let me hear your voice."

"today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts."

"be transformed by the renewing of your mind"

"whatever is not done in faith is sin"

"we love because he first loved us"

There are so many... Those are only the ones that came while I thought about it over the last day or two. The reality is that everything I have ever had deposited in me, I have the potential to walk out. How? I don't really know, but I know it has to do with faith, and with deciding beforehand to choose what is true rather than what is based on any deception I have talked myself into.

I am starting to feel a bit more like myself now that it's almost 8 AM. I might take a little snooze for a while to see if I can rest a little, but I might put that off till this afternoon, when I'll really need it.

I'm pretty excited that I'm having a handful of girls over on Monday to make cookies. I am also very pleased that I've done most of the cleaning already, and only have to clear off some counter space, file away the papers on the table, and make sure I have what I need in the pantry. And give stinky dog a bath. The bath is a pretty involved process for a large, geriatric dog, since Sam has to hoist her into the bathroom, and carry her into the tub, since she refuses to come within 18" of the bathroom door - she's no idiot; she knows what goes on in there. Then he has to lift her back out of the tub, a wet, squirming thing, with long nails, flailing in every direction. Other than that, it's fine. It's like preparation for having a six-yr-old child.

I think I have lost my attention span. I have 3 other windows open now, so I think I'm done writing.

Wish List

The holiday wish list is something I probably have not made since I was about 9, going through the American Girl catalog, choosing an item (or two) from every page, that I could imagine the joy of seeing wrapped up under the tree. Not that I ever received what I picked out, but there is something exciting about circling "things I like".

Every year when someone asks me if there's anything I want, I usually end up saying, "I had thought of something a couple days ago, but now I don't remember." That is no help for anyone!

Besides, if I make a list of things I want to pick up while shopping for others, or after Christmas while things are on sale, it will save money to only go for the things I have been hankering for, instead of the impulse buys!

So, this year, I am making a list. I will probably jump back in periodically and add to it as I think of things. While I don't expect to get any or all of these, it never hurts to put it out there....

- Maternity clothes (S or M; tall); classic colors and styling (think Lauren or Stephanie or Amy)

- Cast iron Dutch oven (at least 5 qt)

- 1 (or more, I wouldn't complain) full detail clean of the whole house before the baby comes

- Waffle iron

- book: Celebration of Discipline, Foster

- Christmas decorations or tree ornaments; new Christmas music

- Jewelry (not earrings - unless for sensitive ears)

- Whitman's Chocolate sampler

... to be continued.

TGIF!

[insert coffee logo here]

Fridays seem kind of like most of the other days of the week lately since being at home every day, but that doesn't mean that I'm not happy when Friday rolls around every week.

It means Saturday is next, when Sam gets to sleep in, too. And tomorrow I'm going to Blessings Cottage with Lesley. Hopefully also heading to the McPhersons' for a chili cook-off that evening. That will be fun and I hope the weather is pleasant.

Today has so far been pretty good - I have not felt very queasy, and should be OK now that I've made it through the morning most of the way. I will have to start figuring out what I want to eat for lunch in a few minutes though, to ward off the yucky feelings that could start creeping up any moment. Yesterday was my best day in what seems like weeks - I actually cleaned the bathroom for what I think was the first time this trimester. I didn't accomplish anything else productive except opening the mail, but it makes me happy every time I go in there and turn on the light, because I can't see the toothpaste on the faucets and dust around the corners.

If I can make my list of phone calls before 3 today and make a grocery list, I will call it a successful day today, too!

Here's the news...

Well, the biggest news with us that we're expecting!

I am (according to my best estimate) about 8 weeks along.
We found out about 3 weeks ago, about Oct 8.

For about a week before I tested I pretty much "knew" in my heart that I was pregnant, even though I hardly had any evidence to tell me anything for sure, and couldn't test to confirm it yet.

The pregnancy has been an adventure so far. I've been dealing with morning-, afternoon- and night-sickness. Some days are better than others, so I can't say it's all miserable. I'm figuring out what I can and can't eat, and trying to keep appetizing snacks on hand. Appetizing being a changing thing - what was great one day might sound terrible the next.

The hidden blessing in this season is that I have been laid off as of 10/17. This means I don't have to get up early in the morning and keep myself out of the bathroom at work all day, only to come home too exhausted to do anything productive.

The catch is that now I have to go through the unemployment process, looking for and applying to jobs, and trying to figure out what to do for insurance. I've been declared uninsurible, because pregnancy is not covered for new insurance plans, so we either have to cough up nearly $400/month just to keep the same or similar coverage I've had free from my employer, or go through the Medicaid route, which I can't really figure out until my unemployment filing is processed and I can see or show how much I am receiving. It's interessting, that's certain.

Through all of this, while it has been stressful because of all the unknowns, and the change of suddenly being at home and feeling sick, it has been very clear that God knows what He has for us, and we really can't be worried. Also, Sam could hardly be any more kind, flexible, and willing to help me feel more comfortable or keep me fed or help clean up or grill steaks (one of the few things I can still eat with gusto)!

We did manage to adopt out the big dogs, Jacob and Sarah. We are so happy about the family who picked them up last weekend, and they are in love with these dogs. It was also a relief to find out that Jacob's leg pain was not due to hip dysplasia but bad arthritis in one of his knees, which can be controlled by pain meds and less exercise, instead of expensive surgery. Susie, the lady who has taken them in along with her husband, called us on Sunday to tell us how they are doing, that they are happy, and they have each lost at least 20 lbs from the time that we had gotten them in July (they went from 120 and 116 to 105 and 95)!

Sam has only one last semester of school left after this fall semester. That means, Lord willing, he will graduate in May 2009! This semester is a pretty tough one, with 4 classes, and he is barely keeping his head above water, it seems. But the end is in sight!

coffee ... take 1

I am experimenting with trying to figure out how to post this picture...

Ta da!

I am ready for "Company Girl Coffee"! See Home Sanctuary for the source of these company girls. This is the first time I've participated, because it's the first time I have been home on a Friday to add to my blog. I don't know what the day's topic will be, but that's fine. I hope it's something like, curl up with a cup of tea and a good book. I would be all over that.

Ironically, I have not been able to enjoy the taste of coffee for about a month; tea is not that much better, but it is easier to drink. Yay for the taste changes I've been experiencing lately, making any meat except for steak (go figure) send me gagging, and harmless smells like rice cooking keep me hiding in the bedroom with a candle lit.

Okay, now that I feel like I've accomplished something, I will now see if I can think of something to say here. Not like there hasn't been anything going on!

To be continued....