I Should Be...

... finishing the Christmas card project;
... out of my PJs;
... cleaning up the kitchen;
... having a quiet time;
... on the way to the Post Office;
... going up to my mom's house;
... calling a few last people to get their information correct on the church directory;
... applying for another job so I can continue to collect unemployment;
... eating something more substantial for lunch.

But instead I am...

... still in my PJs;
... eating a piece of candy;
... taking video of the cats beat up on each other;
... browsing the What To Expect pregnancy forum;
... posting a blog about nothing;
... avoiding doing anything that looks like work.

I guess it's time to get a move on, huh?

The Quest for the Perfect Photo

This was just too fun to let it languish in the photo folder on my desktop....

Behind the scenes...

I'm feeling like we will likely not even pull the decorations down out of the attic this year. It's not that I don't want to decorate, but we will be leaving town the day after Christmas, and who wants to come home 10 days after Christmas to have to clean it all up? Not I, said the little pregnant girl.

The most decorating I have done so far is to put the growing card collection on top of the piano. The main wall in our living-dining room is painted red, though, so it looks almost like a holiday. I have some holiday-ish candles that I could light, and we could light a fire in the fireplace if we wanted to make the room feel more cozy.Lately my time has been consumed by gathering addresses, both for our church's directory and for our personal address database. Then I've been addressing cards and signing them, and trying to print out a little photo of us and the ultrasound shot to send to relatives and the folks that should get one.

The only Christmasy thing I've done this year has been to have Kristi, Lauren, Christina (also prego), Carol, and Lesley over to bake cookies together. It was a riot, and probably the most fun I'd had in weeks. I should have taken a picture of the table when all the cookies were spread out on it for us to collect to take home! I also should have taken a picture of all of us as a group. Anyways, it was such a great time. And so delicious!


Now Sam is painting the second closet in our master bedroom. The first was done many moons ago, (as referenced in one of the very first blog posts) but since we have been able to live with the way it was, we haven't gotten around to painting and setting up Sam's closet. Once that is completed, we will be able to move Sam's clothes out of my closet, then weed out my clothes, and move the seasonally appropriate clothing into the closets. At that point, we should get rid of the clothes that have been in the other two bedroom closets that we have not touched in about a year. When the extra bedroom closets are emptied, we can use the space to start organizing and preparing for having a little one move in.

And they were sore afraid...

I love that line; it's so archaic.

I was reading this morning and was moved nearly to tears by the passage about the shepherds in the field in Luke 2.

When the angel appears to the shepherds, where did you think that he stood? I've always thought of him hanging out in the air, just above their heads, totally creeping them out, right? But it says he "stood among them". Boo! "Ah! an angel!" I'm sure they thought they were gonna die.

I read that this morning and was struck by several things:
The way that the angel wasn't just sent to a field in general, and the shepherds happened to be there--it was like God appearing to Abraham and Gideon and all the others that He sent angels to.
The angel didn't just come; the glory of the Lord surrounded them. They were not just visited by an angel, but the glory of the Lord--the way the glory of the Lord appeared to Moses--surrounded them. This is what amazed me today. It was no ordinary appearance of angels; the Lord came and made His presence known.
Then the host of heaven suddenly appeared and praised God, as though they'd been there the whole time, but it sounds like the shepherds were only suddenly able to see them all at once, like Elijah's (or Elisha's?) servant. I still don't think they were hanging out in the sky, either - I imagine that they were fitted for battle and surrounding them like an army on the ground. I say that because later, "they returned to heaven" as though they were really on the ground with the shepherds.

I'm not sure exactly what was going off in my heart this morning when I read all of this, but I believe it has something to do with awe at the way God comes to where we are. He draws near to the humble. He is seen by the pure in heart. He is not far off. He is glorious. His favor rests upon these little vessels.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests!

Oh, Baby!

Coffee's on!

I am actually quite ready for a 2 PM cup of coffee, since I haven't had a cuppa in several days. I will even make it half regular, just to spice things up! I also have a variety of Christmas cookies (complements of the friends who participated in the 1st Annual Great Cookie Bake on Monday). This sounds like a perfect coffee break.

First Peek!

Yesterday afternoon we got to see our first sneak peek at our little one! I was relieved to find that there is only one, even though we have joked about how it would be sort of a great deal to get two for one. The severity of my morning sickness made me think I was dealing with twice the hormones, so it must be more than one. But just one. Everything looks right, too.

We found out that my due date is May 31. I'm actually a week farther along than I'd thought, at 15-1/2 weeks.

Sam got to come with me for the appointment, so he got to see the ultrasound, too! He was almost as much fun to watch in the process as the baby, because he was so awestruck by the reality of this little person! Sam couldn't believe how much the baby moved - he or she was waving little arms, and we saw a little bit of a sucking motion while watching its little face, and even got to see it hiccough! A few times in a row it sort of jumped, like a hiccough or a sneeze. It was unbelievable! The technician even got a shot of its little left foot, clear as day, with all its little toes!

All the way home, Sam couldn't stop marveling at how real it seems now. It's not just in our imaginations anymore - this is a real little person, whom we will meet in about 6 months! We promptly scanned the pictures they gave us and sent them to our parents, so they could see their first pictures of their first grandbaby, too.

We were very happy with our impression of the office we went to for our care. It was very peaceful and cheerful, and everyone that we interacted with was very friendly and kind - except for the people who worked for the lab - they don't work for the practice, though, so I can't hold it against them. (The lady who drew blood for a couple tests hardly cracked a smile the whole time I was in there. I think she resented having to work at 4:50 PM while we were there. Heaven forbid....) There were pictures on the walls that had scriptures, and a lot of the nurses had taped verses and notes and encouragements in their personal areas. It is clearly an office full of believers.

Anyways, it's a group practice of a few doctors and five midwives, plus a handful of nurses, too. The midwife we will see primarily, June, was very professional, kind, and practical, plus has a good sense of humor, too. I really like her. I was grateful to have had such a good first impression and experience with the people there. We'll meet the other midwives at every other appointment, so that we'll know everyone by the time we actual go in to deliver.

And Next...
http://www.boywithaball.com/next

We have to register for Next soon. Now that we have money in the bank again, we can do that. It has been a relief to finally see money come in from unemployment!

We will also head to Houston around Christmas to spend several days with Sam's family. It will be good - we haven't seen them in quite a while. We just have to make our plans and then get in touch with people we can stay with on the way to and from, and who we just want to make time to see as well.

We're looking forward to going out there. It is always good to be in San Antonio, too. Especially around Christmas, it's beautiful - they decorate the Riverwalk and it looks so festive and beautiful. The conference will be great, too. I hope we are able to get out of it all that we can, and that what we bring adds something that lasts, too.

2 in a row!

I have had 2 days in a row that I have not lost everything I've eaten!

Maybe I am approaching the end of the 1st trimester morning sickness misery!

He restores my soul...

This is an email that I wrote to my best friend yesterday morning sometime between 6 and 8 AM:

I woke up this morning at something like 4, to get up and pee - yay for being pregnant - and couldn't go back to sleep because I was growlingly hungry. So I got up at five to have some raisins and a glass of milk, and went to the psalms.

It's the 4th, so I went to Ps 20-24. If you break down the Psalms into 30, and read 5 a day, you can go through them once every month - you find the ones to read by multiplying 5 times the day's date, and that's the one you start on. I never read them every day anymore because I am a terrible person, but that's the theory anyway. You can do the same with Prov, but it's a lot easier since there are only 31 of them. No math.

I'm sitting on a chair in the living room with the computer on my lap. The irony of having a computer on your lap is that suddenly the cat thinks you're doing something really interesting and decides it's important to get on your lap, too. Leo (the orange and white one) is all about my lap right now, but he's purring and kneading and loving on me, so how can I push him off? Besides, he's the one who can't focus for more than 3 seconds, so if he lies down, he'll leave in a minute anyway.

So back to what I was saying... I couldn't get past 23:3 for a while: "he restores my soul."

That's what I need. My soul needs restoring. When I'm sick and weary and feeling puny even when I am hardly doing anything, it's hard to feel a capacity to move beyond just getting up and not barfing. I think of the pyramid of needs that you learn about in health or human development or whatever - that the most basic needs are related to the physical, before anyone can be responsive to the higher eschelon of needs, like psychological or spiritual. I know I don't compare to a starving, war-torn refugee or anything, but it's still what I thought of. I am not necessarily in a place where I am at my healthiest. And I am not saying it's because I feel crummy, but feeling so crummy doesn't really help me be excited about much of anything, even if I know in my heart that I will benefit from feeding my spirit, not just my upset stomach.

Speaking of which, I am going to have to start over again with the snacks... but I have a banana, so hopefully that'll stick. Yeah, so that was fun.

Lately I have been a total slacker in every way. You would think that now that I'm not working, and have all the time in the world, and have an answered prayer growing in my abdomen, that I would find every excuse to be in the Word and be ecstatic! And I think I was for a few days. But then nausea and boredom and exhaustion set in, and I have struggled. Part of that is due to feeling yucky, so I am not engaging anyone in fellowship. When I'm not doing that, my heart's not going to be very healthy.

Another part of it is the realization that I am receiving the desires of my heart, and they are not enough. A husband is a wonderful thing, but I can't put all my life into him alone; a house that's our very own is great, but it's certainly not enough to occupy me; the promise of a baby is exciting and hopeful, but not enough at all to fulfill my life. Only fellowship with Jesus is enough. Then I can enjoy what he's given me. And if I can't fellowship with him now, while I'm pretty much my only distraction, there isn't any hope for me when I have a fussy child to tend to.

He restores my soul.

He does it - I don't have to restore my soul myself. Thank God. If it were up to me to figure out how to restore myself, I had better just curl up and pull the covers over my head for the next 50 years. All my attempts come up empty. All he expects is for me to humbly let him work in me. I am grateful that he does not require much. "my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Thank God! I can do light, but I can't fathom more. Not right now. The wonderful thing is that He doesn't require more than we can give. He requires exactly what we have to give, but no more. He knows my frame. He remembers that I am like dust, like grass, like a flower that fades... He knows how he's made me, and He knows what I can give. I don't know what I can give, but I have my ideas. My ideas are always less than what He knows, but what He asks is not too much. He is worth what I can give him. And the exchange is worth the surrender of what I have for what He has. It always has been.

I am very grateful that He is working in my heart to revive and restore me. He has been speaking to me lately, with words of encouragement, which I have kept in my heart off and on.

On Sunday Brother John spoke about worship. He said that "true worship is walking in revealed truth." That is probably the one thing that I remember from what he said all day, but it was the seed I will carry for a while. I spent some time over the last few days remembering things that the Spirit has spoken to my heart, that I need to walk in...

"what does it matter to you what happens to him? You must follow me."

"my darling... let me see your face, let me hear your voice."

"today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts."

"be transformed by the renewing of your mind"

"whatever is not done in faith is sin"

"we love because he first loved us"

There are so many... Those are only the ones that came while I thought about it over the last day or two. The reality is that everything I have ever had deposited in me, I have the potential to walk out. How? I don't really know, but I know it has to do with faith, and with deciding beforehand to choose what is true rather than what is based on any deception I have talked myself into.

I am starting to feel a bit more like myself now that it's almost 8 AM. I might take a little snooze for a while to see if I can rest a little, but I might put that off till this afternoon, when I'll really need it.

I'm pretty excited that I'm having a handful of girls over on Monday to make cookies. I am also very pleased that I've done most of the cleaning already, and only have to clear off some counter space, file away the papers on the table, and make sure I have what I need in the pantry. And give stinky dog a bath. The bath is a pretty involved process for a large, geriatric dog, since Sam has to hoist her into the bathroom, and carry her into the tub, since she refuses to come within 18" of the bathroom door - she's no idiot; she knows what goes on in there. Then he has to lift her back out of the tub, a wet, squirming thing, with long nails, flailing in every direction. Other than that, it's fine. It's like preparation for having a six-yr-old child.

I think I have lost my attention span. I have 3 other windows open now, so I think I'm done writing.