Accidental Chicken Soup Pilaf

Tonight for dinner I created something delicious and completely accidental. It started out as chicken soup. But I boiled away almost all the broth, and then added too much rice. So it became soupy rice with chicken soup vegetables. And it was really, really yummy. I am writing it out so that I can make it again--on purpose.

• Start with the usual suspects for making chicken stock:
  
• chicken bones (these were raw, actually almost still frozen). This time I used the spine parts that I'd thrown into the freezer for this purpose. (Note to self: never buy chicken leg quarters again unless it says "without nasty spine part" on the package.)
• carrots, onions, celery. These will not be the final veggies, so I cut them into really large pieces - quartered, really. I used 1/2 a monster onion, 2 carrots, and 2 celery stalks with leaves. While I was at it, I also chopped the veggies for the finished product and threw them into a tupperware in the fridge to be added about 30 min before the end of the cooking process.
• Add enough water to cover. Throw in spices; this time it was Marjoram, Bay Leaves, Coriander pods, and Black Peppercorns. About a teaspoon of each. A sprinkle of salt.
• Boil, then bring to a simmer, and cook with the lid on for about 3 hours, or until you come back to check on it and say to yourself, "oh, crap! What's the point of making a stock if you boil it all away?"
• Strain out the vegetables, bones, and herbs, and try to figure out how to use the measly 1 cup of stock left in the pot.
  
• Then add about 2-3 cups of stock from a box that you were hoping not to break into, since that was the reason you were making chicken stock in the first place.
• Add sliced/chopped carrots, celery, and onion. This time I used 2 carrots, half of a monster onion, and 1 rib of celery. Add any chicken meat that fell off the bones.
  
• Dump in about 3/4 cup dry rice.
• Boil, then cover and simmer for about half an hour. It ends up being very soft and flavorful rice, full of veggies and chicken. Serve with grilled cheese sandwiches and pretend you meant to make it the way it came out.

Love and Fear

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect (complete, mature) in love. We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:18-19 NIV)

For several days I have been focused on love. Not love in the generic, touchy-feely, warm-fuzzies kind of love, though that's not bad in and of itself. I'm focused on the way I love. Do I love well? What is my motivation for what I do? Is it love, or is it something else?

When I get up and take care of my family, wash their clothes, talk to them, prepare and serve food to them, what is truly my motivation? I know there are women who really, purely do whatever they do because they love their families. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and daughter more than anyone else in the world, and would do anything for them. But when I am sweeping petrified rice and cheese off the kitchen floor for the third time today, is it done out of love?

I have found that often my love is imperfect. In fact, it is almost always imperfect.

I do things out of a sense of need, duty: "If I don't do this, it won't get done." There is care and love involved, but it's not the major motivating factor.

I do things out of a sense of obligation: "I said I would do this."

I do things out of a sense of responsibility: "I have to do this; it's what a good wife, a responsible adult, a good mother, a mature Christian, etc., would do."

Or out of fear of rejection, or of failure to live up to certain expectations, whether real or imagined: "What if they saw the mildew growing around the bathtub?"

So in all these examinations of my heart, I have found more than ever that the verse is true: There is no fear in love. And fear has to do with punishment. Or at least with consequences. Love is expressed by the things we do. If I do because of love, then it is pure, free from these other motivations. If I do because of fear, then it's not really love at all. There's no faith in it.

Where does this pure love come from? It has to come from the deep and abiding conviction that He loves me. That the Father loves me enough to give His son Jesus, who loves me enough to submit Himself to death, and who loves me enough to be raised to life by the Holy Spirit, who loves me enough to dwell in me and pour out His love in my heart.

Then perfect love drives out fear.

The 15 month update

Today Lizzie is 1.25 years old. To be honest, she has never been more fun.

Here are a few things that amuse and delight us about who she is right now.

I love how she can follow directions. She throws her diaper in the trash, puts the Goldfish she dumped onto the carpet back into the bowl, gives the animals kisses, is gentle when we tell her to be, and helps me water the tomato plant.

She is the only person I've ever known under the age of 2 who is completely capable of blowing her nose. If you hand her a tissue and tell her, "Blow your nose," she will actually do it, and wipe it until something comes out! Sometimes she does it voluntarily if she has a little something in there that needs wiping--usually on your shirt, of course.

When cuddling, it is mandatory to have all the necessary equipment: Boppy pillow, striped pillow to lean back on, blanket, baby doll (or soft toy of choice), and snack and/or sippy cup. Lamp must be turned on. Parent is optional.

Coasters are very important. All drinks must be on something, whether it is a book, a napkin, a magazine, or a post-it note, it can't just be on a bare tabletop.

Last week I taught her how to play "Ring Around the Rosie" and she loves it. What I love about this game is that while it's fun for her to play it holding hands and dancing in a circle, she can play it the lazy-parent way: I sit on the floor and sing while she runs circles around me until "we all fall down!"

When playing with a phone, she says "Ha!" (hi) and holds the phone between her ear and her shoulder. Apparently she watches us too closely.

Coloring is a new favorite pastime, and she has taken to holding a pen, pencil, crayon as close to the tip as she can, clearly imitating the way I write.

Because we have recently subscribed to Netflix, with unlimited access to shows and movies online, she has learned that by pushing the correct buttons on the remotes, she can access her favorite shows: Barney and Thomas. If it sings, dances, chuffs, or whistles, she loves it. I know it's not the best thing in the world, but sometimes I just want her to sit quietly and eat her snack, and Thomas the Train is the only thing that will accomplish that.

I really don't know how she has learned this so quickly, but she has perfected The Bedtime Stall. Somehow it takes 45 minutes to do what should take 15. As soon as she's done with her bath, there's a burst of energy and a sudden need to read Gossie & Gertie 4 times in a row, and a new diaper, and another drink, and to kiss the cat, and kiss the other cat, and kiss the dog, and kiss the cats again, and eat more Cheerios, and read another book. Oh, and have the last milk of the night.

Lizzie's vocabulary is growing daily. We taught her signs for things so she could communicate before the verbal capacity was fully developed. She knows how to tell us: more, eat, milk, all done, kitty, hurt, change (diaper), swing, book, bath or wash, up, and fan (i.e., spinning around and around). She waves "hi" and "bye" and blows kisses. When something is missing, she puts her hands up as though asking, "where did it go?" or shrugging like, "I don't know." When something hurts, she tells us, and then it's greatly improved when we kiss it. It's also pretty amazing how well she can communicate by pointing and using her vast assortment of the "heh" sound.

Verbally she says or imitates about one new word every day. However, just because she has said it once, doesn't mean she will say it again any time in the next few weeks. But so far her vocabulary includes:
Mama
Daddy
Hi (Hah - so southern)
Hurt (huh)
Here (hee - when giving something to us)
Hat (Ha')
Hot (while blowing)
Help (he'p or heh) (obviously she has her "h" sounds down)
Outside (usually accompanied by a pair of shoes and yelling "ou-sigh!")
Goldfish (go-fish!)
Fish
Bubble
Shoes (Zooz, Soos or Zeus)
Shirt (Sir')
Lizzie (Zizzie)
Kick
Kiss
I love you (ah wuv oo, or ah wuv Mama/Daddy)
Shae (for Shae and her sister Addie)
Cat (Ca')
Bath
Yucky
Dog
Bob (Bob the Builder or Bob the Tomato, or dog)
Up
Apple (Abbo or Abpo)
Apple Juice (Abpo Du)
Gossie (her favorite character in the books by Olivier Dunrea)
Grandma ('Ama)
Elephant (Effant or Effan')
Chicken ("bock, bock" = what chickens say. Can refer to the animal or the meat. She has ordered chicken before by going to the refrigerator and saying, "bock, bock, bock"!)

Her favorite foods are:
grapes (quartered; in fact if they are too big, she gives them back to me to cut smaller)
chicken ("bock, bock")
apple juice
apples (which she eats peeled and whole)
beans & rice
chicken & rice
vegetables & rice ... anything with rice is usually a hit
strawberries, but she gets a terrible rash when she eats them :( no more strawberries for her this summer; maybe next year.
Goldfish. Duh!
cheese
ice cream
yogurt
frozen peas, frozen green beans (long ones she can gnaw on until they're mutilated, then give back)
popsicles

Socially she's really great. She is so well-behaved. On Saturday she was going all day long; first my parents came and babysat her all morning while Sam and I went out. Time with the grandparents is always great stimulation. Then when we got home, we scooped her up and took her to a birthday party for one of her friends turning 2. Then when she was starting to lose it there, we went home, at which point she got her second wind while Sam and I were wiped out. Then we got invited to another friend's birthday party (this one is also her friend, but she turned 16), and brought the delirious child to yet another party. With no nap! (I take that back; she fell asleep in the car for 15 minutes on the way to the first party.) It was almost 10 PM when we got home finally, and she never gave us any trouble! When she finally did fall asleep nursing (for the first time in months), I managed to change her diaper, put on her pajamas, and put her in the bed without her giving more than a sigh. The poor kid was out! I think we're finally recovered from this weekend now that it's Wednesday.

Right now my favorite thing that Lizzie does, though, is give hugs. When she wants or needs comfort, she comes up to me and gives me a hug. Wraps her arms around my neck or shoulders and pats my back--pat, pat, pat. I hold and kiss her and she just hugs and sighs. And when she was little we were worried she wasn't affectionate because she wouldn't hold still. I love that little girl. She's growing up so quickly.

The Weeks Go On

It's been a week since I wrote.

The Ladies Book Day was a great success. My presentation went very well, and with a little scrambling and a couple of phone calls to my brother (who works the audio/video most Sundays at church), the PowerPoint made it to the projector screen. Everyone was mucho impressed by my technical skills, just because I made a bunch of slides. So because I did that, the woman organizing the women's retreat next month asked me to find out about whether it's possible to record speaking sessions. Like I know? So now I have to ask some other people who actually know and report back to her.

The possibility of making it to the retreat next month is becoming much more real. Lizzie is just about down to nursing only twice a day--first thing in the morning, and last thing before bed (except brushing teeth.... usually). This has to do with the retreat in that I can drive up in the morning, stay for the day, and then come home, and not have to worry about Sam having a total disaster on his hands.

This week she dropped the mid-day feeding, and has been drinking whole milk from the sippy cup. OK, really, she's drinking flavored yogurt smoothies mixed in with her milk from the sippy cup, but still! We're making progress. And as the day goes on and she drinks more and needs refills, I add more milk so the flavored yogurt to milk ratio goes down. I don't think we're totally there, though, because today she was having a really rough afternoon, and begged to nurse before going down for her nap. Of course, darling. She is cutting more teeth; she has 12, and is apparently working on the canines (eye teeth) that have to come in between the front and the molars. So I have a feeling these are the worst, because not only do they have to come through, but they have to push between the other teeth that are already there - possibly bringing pain not unlike having orthodontic braces adjusted. My poor baby; no wonder she hasn't been sleeping as well.

Sam had a 3rd interview with the company that he's been talking with. There are still no solid signs that they're ready to hire him, but at least they keep calling him back! We're now praying that they offer him a job, and offer him the one we want: without travel. Hopefully we'll hear more next week.

Tomorrow is the last week of our Believing God Bible Study. It has been fantastic. This is the first time I have actually done every single day of homework, and filled in all the blanks. This is the third time I have attempted this particular study, and the first time I have made it past week 6 or 7. I have never made it to the last week. I am processing what has happened in me, so maybe I will manage to articulate it better in another post. Or maybe I won't have to; maybe the coming months will just show a more active faith. Maybe you'll watch me take God at his word, and see fruit along with me.

Actually, this week has started something pretty amazing in regard to faith and believing that 'God's Word Is Alive and Active In Me' (point 5 in the pledge of faith from the study we've done). For almost 2 years I have been a part of an online forum of women; it is set up for pregnant women who are due in a particular month. They compare symptoms, issues, hormones, questions, doctors appointments, and birth plans. Then their babies are born and the forum stays there for women to discuss everything under the sun pertaining to their labor and delivery, feedings, parenting, the cute things their babies do, and life as a mom. They joke, cry, tell stories, and share a bond of motherhood. I depended on them to "get" me when I had questions, concerns, and experiences to share while I was pregnant and a new mom.

This forum has been remarkable; there is nothing that can be a breeding ground for more drama than a bunch of overtired, hormonal, insecure women on the internet. However, by some amazing miracle, there are at least a couple hundred women who are part of one particular month's forum, and there is a depth of understanding and respect that is hugely unexpected and unusual. At the moment, there is a discussion started when one Christian woman asked one Orthodox Jewish woman, out of pure curiosity and desire to understand, about her faith and practice. It has nearly 100 responses, and every one of them has been thoughtful, respectful, and beautiful. Following that discussion, a thread has opened up a place where the Jewish woman has asked, 'what is your religion?' and well over 100 women have also shared their particular perspectives and stances on faith, religion, and how it affects each one's own life. Through all of it, every one has been careful, honest, and purely offering her own view. There is no name-calling, no defensiveness, and no drama. I am honored to be among such strong and dear women.

In the course of the religion discussion, I befriended one of the women who is in a stage of seeking. She's on the verge of believing; she wants to trust the Lord. I am praying for her, and doing my best to encourage her to look to Jesus, and read the Bible. So far she has been greatly encouraged and comforted by the scriptures I have shared with her. My prayer is that she will come to know Jesus truly, and will have her eyes opened to the truth, discerning any lies for what they are. Besides the joy of knowing that someone is so close to trusting Jesus, I have so enjoyed having a passion in my heart to share the truth of the Gospel. It is not hard. The Word is alive in my heart, and with the Holy Spirit at work, drawing her to the Lord, it is the easiest thing to find the verses that come to my mind while I type. It's easy to have faith when I pray. It's easy because I know that God is involved. It's not me trying my hardest. I am not arguing, just opening the word via links on biblegateway.com and saying what is in my heart, gently, with compassion.

Another comforting thing is this: All I need to do is what is in my heart to do. I don't need to save her. I don't need to convince her. That is the Holy Spirit's job. If she believes, then I will rejoice. If she does not, then I will trust that I have done what I could. If I say something that she does not agree with, and she "unfriends" me, then so be it. If she goes one way and I go another, but we talk about Jesus from two different perspectives, that's great. If I don't see fruit, that's fine. If I do, then glory be to God!

Well, the little girl who has not been sleeping so well has just gotten up. Sam turned on the radio in her room and it's playing "Agnus Dei" - "Aleluia, for the Lord God Almighty reigns."

Coffee and the Caldecott

It's been 2 weeks since I last wrote here. The last blog entry with its existential question of why I write (and asking why you write) received several great and helpful and encouraging responses. I'm not sure that I have really answered my question, but it was good for me to at least articulate the question. Sometimes that is all that's necessary for a time in the process of searching for purpose.

I'm linking up to Company Girl Coffee with the gals coming through from Home Sanctuary. Welcome. :)

Tomorrow morning I am taking part in a "Brown Bag Day" at my church, where we will be perusing, discussing, and appreciating the value of children's literature. Among a handful of other women, I've been asked to give a presentation; mine is to be about the Caldecott Medal.

Before last month when I was assigned my topic, I did not know much about it. Okay, truth be told, I knew nothing about it. When our pastor's wife asked me to give a presentation on the Caldecott Medal, I thought it was a book and said, "I had never read it, but I could." She is so gracious that I didn't catch her flinch, though I'm sure she did so, on the inside.

Since then, I have borrowed 28 books from my local library, and made great use of the ability to request books from other branches in the county. I have a terrific stack of books in the living room, and it's been a lot of fun to discover so many great stories and artful and creative books.



The Caldecott Medal is an award given annually to "the most distinguished American picture book for children published in the previous year" by the American Library Association. In a way, it is an answer to the Newbery Medal given by the ALA for children's literature, but awarded to the artist, rather than the author. Since 1938, the illustrator has also been the author of the text in 44 of the past 72 awards.

It is named for Randolph Caldecott, an English illustrator from the 1800's, whose paintings graced many nursery rhymes. I didn't realize it until this week, but the pictures associated in my mind with many of the stories were his interpretations of the rhymes.

Part of the criteria involved is that the illustrations be so vital that they are what makes the story what it is.

Of the collection I've gathered, my favorites have been Flotsam by David Wiesner, Time of Wonder and Make Way for Ducklings, both by Robert McCloskey,

Flotsam is fun because it has no text, only pictures. A boy is investigating things he finds at the beach when he discovers an underwater camera washed up on shore. He develops the film and sees fantastical images from under the sea. The final photo is a picture of the last person to have found the camera, holding a photo of the person before, holding a photo of the person before, and so on. So he follows suit, taking a photo of himself and casting the camera back into the ocean to be found by yet another young scientist. If I ever find it at a book sale, I'm picking that one up.

Make Way for Ducklings is one I remember as one a great book that I read and asked my mom to read to me countless times when I was little. McCloskey's "Time of Wonder" is suddenly my favorite, because it is really so well executed. The pictures are beautiful, and the text is creative and poetic. But together, they make you feel like you are on the islands of Maine with this vacationing family for a summer. I wish so much that I had not had to return it to the library because I want to bring it to the event tomorrow. There is one particular scene depicted in which you "watch" rain clouds begin to form, then get darker; then you can see the rain begin to fall, and the storm is heading toward you. As you turn the page you almost gasp and get excited because now "the rain is falling on you!"

I'm excited to bring these books and what I've discovered about them to the group tomorrow. I hope what I can convey is a sense of wonder at the fun and wealth of children's books.

What's a blog for?

Today I'm thinking about blogging. It has become a pastime of millions, many of them being SAHM (stay-at-home-moms) looking for a way to have a voice and connect with millions of others in the SAHM universe. Add me to the list, and you have millions plus one.

I'm trying to figure out why exactly I am keeping up this blog. The tag on the side says it is a blog "in which Cindy writes about stuff that crosses her mind." I am not like "Julie" in the movie "Julie and Julia" who created her blog with a purpose in mind. And then stuck with it.
The reality is that I can barely follow a single train of thought for more than 20 seconds, let alone do something, document it, and post it online, all while trying to make sure those decapitated animal crackers aren't permanently set into the couch cushions.

Part of the reason is because I want to use it as sort of a "log" of what's going on with me. I don't keep a diary or anything of the sort. Who uses paper and pens anymore? (Really, I am a sucker for a new double-spiral bound notebook and fine-tipped pen, even if I haven't used one in a long time.) More than that, every piece of paper in the house has had an attempt on its life by a toddler wanting to "color". I have a feeling a pretty notebook would meet its end very quickly, so I settle for left over legal pads.

Also, I have a baby book for Lizzie, but at this point, all of her "firsts" are scribbled in a small day planner, since I don't have the patience to dig out the pretty book and find a pretty pen and write a pretty caption for "5th tooth" and "says 'bubble'" and "first boo-boo" every time something happens. Having a blog allows me to make broad, sweeping generalizations (like "colors with chalk on driveway" and "demands to go outside by finding shoes and hurling them at any able-bodied adult") so in a few years I'll be able to look back and go, "oh, that's what she was doing at 14 months."

Blogging helps me process things sometimes. There have been a few times lately that I have had something on my heart or on my mind that I've felt the need to find the way to articulate. Writing at the computer has kind of always been my way of putting words to what's going on internally. I used to write e-mails. The sad thing is that I don't often write e-mails to specific people these days; I just write a generic, somewhat depersonalized, safe-for-the-general-unknown-internet-public monologue.

I also used to write "the next e-mail"--a weekly email that went out to over 100 people, mostly in the college age bracket, connected through COC and/or BWAB, or by my just happening to know you. It was a sort of newsletter, sort of encouraging memo, sort of announcement venue, sort of Cindy's-stream-of-consciousness-processing-through-life e-mail. I lost vision for that e-mail shortly after getting married and beginning to work full time. I'd been writing it for about 4 years, which is a fairly long time. Without a weekly place to send my thoughts, I lost my motivation to write for a while. Maybe blogging would give me a chance to share again. The truth of the matter is that when my heart is doing well, and I'm receiving life, I am motivated to open up and share life as well.

These days most often my blog updates are inspired by having a circle of friends found through the Company Girls at Home Sanctuary. I don't know how I stumbled upon this blog by Rachel Anne Ridge, but it has been rather transformational as it relates to my household, and to my blogging. Even though if you looked at my house right now, you would wonder whether I have ever taken any thing she's ever said to heart, it has been a pleasure to keep company with these women.

I follow a handful of blogs: One belongs to my mom (a soon-to-be published author), some belong to my friends, some belong to friends who make beautiful crafty things, some belong to my friends' parents, some belong to people who take amazing photographs, some belong to people who make amazing food (and also take amazing photographs of said food), some belong to people who are entertaining and take amazing photographs of amazing food. There are plenty of others, too, of course.

I just visited Alicia's Homemaking (via Home Sanctuary) and am amazed at someone in a similar circumstance (young married, with a young toddler, with a limited income, with a student husband, doing her best to show love and honor Jesus) blogging daily with a goal and purpose in each post. She does useful things with her blog, like she shows off cool things she found at thrift stores and makes pancakes for her student friends.

It makes me wonder whether this is a season in life when I should pursue writing (in any form, maybe online, maybe in the privacy of my personal Microsoft Word documents, maybe on pretty notebook paper). Or if I should turn off my computer's wireless connection for a month and see if I actually missed anything of great importance.

The reality is that if I am to write anything, I would have to write about what is important to me, or I would have no drive to write it at all. I would also have to have a sense that it was as important as anything else that I am responsible for doing - like caring for my family, maintaining the house, having a quiet time, and getting enough sleep. At this point, if I sit at the computer, I don't usually have much purpose to it. I sit down, lose track of time, and before I know it, I jump up, thinking, "Oh no! I totally forgot to ...." and feel pressure to do something I should have been doing while I sat and jabbered on.

If you are reading this, I have a question for you. What drew you to blogging? Do you have a purpose for your blog? If so, what is it? Did your blog or your writing have a defining moment?

pictures, just for fun

I'm using a post to dump some of the various pictures I've put in my signature on my WTE forum.



Here are "the kids" before Lizzie showed up.



When it all started....




This was when she was itty bitty.







And here she was still tiny, but not quite as tiny.


Look at her grow!



At Christmas time




six months old here




birth to 3 months



Liz 4 to 7 months



Liz 8 to 11 months



12 months old