Update on Liz, Life, and My Heart

Lizzie update, 13 months:

Lizzie has fallen in love. With the motorcycle. Every time she thinks of it, hears the word, sees a picture of one, or sees us go into the garage, she growls and points to the garage, and then signs "more" because she wants us to take her to look at it again. Yesterday morning Sam was on the computer at the table while we were eating breakfast. He followed a link to a video where there was a motorcycle, and all of a sudden we had to watch "more" motorcycles, or there was going to be a heartbroken toddler in her high chair.

Yesterday, Lizzie learned to say the word "apple." It surprised me entirely, because I haven't tried to teach it to her. I was giving her some apple juice, and the next thing I know, she was saying what sounded like "abba" or "abbo." So then of course I gave her an apple, and we read a book that had an apple on the cover, and we showed off this skill over and over again. It's not a fluke - she says it consistently now.

This brings her word count up to 5, plus growls and grunts.
Mama, oon (balloon), k'k (kick), Dada, moo (cow; except it's more like raspberries followed by 'oo'), and various sounds for things that make noises: "who who" for sirens or a train, also for owls, "ow" for meow, "broo" for the elephant trumpet, and "hrrr" for dogs barking, vehicles rumbling, lions, bears, or anything that growls.
She signs "more" and "all done" and "change" (when I ask her if we need to change her diaper), round and round (fan, wheels, anything that turns or spins), and up. And of course, she points and gestures and whines. Nods "yes" with her whole body when we ask her something that she wants.
She also blows kisses, runs, twirls in circles, sways when she hears music, claps, and laughs (almost) on command. She puts her hands up when we say "Praise the Lord!" She can find and retrieve things if I ask her to (e.g., Go bring me your drink; it's by the piano.). She throws tantrums when she is very tired and can't communicate what she wants or just doesn't like what's happening at the moment.
Her 9th tooth popped through yesterday. Yesterday was apparently a really big day. Last night was the first night in about a week that I put her to bed without Ibuprofen drops.

In all, Lizzie is a joy and a very smart little girl. Today we went to play group at the mall, where we watched The Veggie Tales Movie (about the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything) during their free showing, then played in the play area, and ate at the food court. It was a very eventful day, and even after being home for a little over an hour, Lizzie is still unwinding. I am hoping she will eventually fall asleep, since she's been in her bed, clapping and chattering to herself for about 45 minutes.

I would have some more recent photos here, to try to break up the huge blocks of text, but I have lost the camera's battery. I'm praying it turns up soon, and not chewed up by a teething toddler.

Life, etc.

After talking with a few friends a couple of weeks ago, I got turned on to more serious couponing. I have always tried to be as efficient as I can, and take advantage of what looks good, but haven't been that consistent. Steph and Amy referred me to SouthernSavers.com where I have been finding some fun deals. However, I did go to Kroger twice this week already, and spent $85 the first time and $60 the second time, and then went to H-mart and spent another $31. But I am reminding myself that this is for groceries for the next 2 weeks, and it included some things like diapers and paper towels--those add up. I shouldn't have to buy anything except for more milk and probably some more tortillas until almost August. I also did save about $50 in coupons and sales, so I think it's OK.

That being said, I have a whole menu plan for the next 2 weeks:
Monday: Rotisserie chicken, salad, bread
Tuesday: Chicken enchiladas, fruit
Wednesday: Steak salad, bread
Thursday: Hamburgers, cole slaw
Friday: Chicken Divan, bread
Saturday: Hot dogs, corn casserole
Sunday: Beans & rice & meat, fruit
Monday: Chicken sandwiches, veggies
Tuesday: Scalloped Potatoes w/ ham, veggies
Wednesday: Arroz con pollo, fruit
Thursday: Mahi mahi, veggies, pasta
Friday: Shepherds Pie, veggies
Saturday: Stir fry w/ tofu, meat, veggies
Sunday: Spaghetti, veggies

If I were really smart, I'd double and freeze some of these things for other times. But I'm not that smart. Maybe next time. We also have stuff for sandwiches, mac & cheese, and other odds and ends for lunches and breakfasts.

Sam is still looking for work. We have gotten a couple of leads from friends, and we're praying that something comes up. Something good. Something close. Something that gives us insurance. Something that gives Sam a sense of having a purposeful career.

If nothing comes up, I'll have to start looking for work, and Sam can be a stay at home dad.

The heart.

It hasn't been a super easy week. I've been exasperated, short-tempered, snappy, mean, overwhelmed, and generally miserable. This did not serve to make the house peaceful. I should probably just leave it at that, lest I complain. But don't worry, I'm better now.

For several days I had a terrible pattern of being awake way too late, and then in the morning being awakened by Lizzie's voice (sometimes cheerful, sometimes not so much). This meant that I "didn't have time" for a quiet time. That of course started those days with me in a bad mood, thinking about how behind I already was, and how I would never be able to make up for it. And I dug myself deeper into the pit of despair when instead of honestly asking for help, I whined to Sam about how unfair it was that I had to do "everything," and implied in every way possible that it was somehow all his fault that things weren't going my way. Interestingly, that is not the way to encourage someone else jump in cheerfully to lend a hand; rather, they're more likely to avoid you so as not to hear more venomous complaints. Trust me on this.

This is on the heels of reading through the entire book of "Practicing the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence, and watching an awesome message from Beth Moore in our Believing God study on Sunday afternoon. In retrospect, it seems like the viciousness of the feelings I was having were a direct attack of the enemy--trying to steal any seeds of truth from actually penetrating my heart in a way that would wake me from my spiritual stupor. As the recently popular song says, "I don't want to be sleeping while the battle is raging."

Yesterday on my way to and from Kroger and the H-mart, I popped in the cd of the message from Sunday, about the way that God meets our needs when we ask, seek, and knock. He knows where we are, and wants us to need Him and wants us to ask when we need Him. Why do we have needs? So he can meet us in our needs. Why can I not do everything on my own? Because I need Him to be my strength and my wisdom.

This morning I was able to break out of the downward spiral by getting up (even after we didn't go to bed until after midnight) and having my quiet time. I got up before 7, which never happens. And I made breakfast, voluntarily, for all 3 of us, and was cheerful. And Lizzie and I went out, and I sang along with the radio. And I didn't complain to my friends about how awful my lot is right now. Because it is not awful. It is just part of my process.

I am not who I've been convincing myself that I am. I am who God says I am. 2nd Corinthians 3 says that I am "competent" as a "minister" by the Spirit, not the letter of the law. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. Based on the meaning of those words, I am also "sufficiently equipped" to be a "waiter, serving food and drink" by the Spirit of God. I don't know what that might do for anyone else, but I think that just changed my whole perspective as of today. Most days I feel like that's all I am: a waiter, serving food and drink, constantly. And I don't even get tips. But if I am able to do so with the help of the Holy Spirit, then I have the opportunity to serve in faith, and produce life.

I want to have the perspective that goes beyond just the next 15 minutes, and into the next 15 years. Lord willing, into the next 15 generations. Simply doing something because it has to be done has no element of faith nor any enduring value. But doing it in faith, in love, in expectant hope, as unto God, it has the potential to affect more than just the here and now.